16.An Interview with Spartacus

St Pauli Girl Hand Held Beer Stein Pipe
meerschaum pipe 1983, 1 oz Sterling Silver Lid. The building shown in this view was copied from the artwork on the cases at that time.

AN INTERVIEW WITH SPARTACUS

ARTY> I'm happy to have that most famous Roman Gladiator, Spartacus join us. Thanks very much. As you know, I ask almost everyone the same first question. Given the luxury of 20/20 hindsite, what would you have done differently?

SPARTACUS> Well, thank you and it's nice to be able to add my two denarris worth to your work. What would I do different? Nothing. I was going to be killed one way or the other. I'd rather be killed fighting for freedom than to entertain people who think that someone else's pain and suffering is entertaining. Everyone who joined me felt the same way. We all knew we were doomed. We just wanted to take as many Romans with us as we could kill.

ARTY> Why?

SPARTACUS> You were there. You know what a Roman slave's life was like. If you went to the arena you saw animals fighting each other and men. You saw people being eaten by animals, common criminals being executed, prisoners of war being set upon each other till there was only one alive. Kind of like a modern demolition derby but with hot blood. It gets worse. During intermissions they would parade a bunch of naked slave girls into the arena where they were forced to mate with stallions and bulls. It was a bloody mess.

That was only on game days. Every day cruelty was just as bad. Do you know what they did if a slave attacked an owner? They killed every slave in that household. I could go on and on. The Romans killed non citizens by crucifixion which was an unattended slow death by torture. Actually, we called it "a Roman Birdfeeder". And they seldom nailed people up. They tied most to the cross 'cause it was cheaper, slower and more painful. The birds would start eating before people died. You couldn't brush them off because your arms were tied. There you were, an offering to the birds, being eaten alive. They'd start with the nice soft bits. First your eyes, then lips, private parts, tongue, cheeks. You couldn't scream without giving the birds more to eat. When the Romans finally defeated us they crucified thousands of us on the road to Rome. It was a forest of bird feeders. I think every bird in Italy came to feast on us. The sky was just black when those birds all took flight at once. I'm sure you could smell us from miles away.

ARTY> And that was preferable to life as a Roman slave. Tell me what life was like for you before you were captured by the Romans.

SPARTACUS> Well, I was born in a country called Thrace. It's closer to Athens than Rome, but it's a world away from both of them. We were tribes people with no cities. What law there was was the blood feud. Any insult, any accident was repaid in blood. Did you know Alexander the Great's first combat as a youngster was in Thrace? He went with a friend to fight in a blood feud. His father Phillip finally subdued "law by the blood feud" when he ascended the throne of Macedon. He imposed Greek law on us. Thracians made up a part of his army, and they went with Alexander to Persia.

Life was cruel, and I was a warrior by profession. We didn't fight for other people's entertainment, though. It was entertaining for us. We were old fashioned head hunters. Warriors would sometimes fight to the death for the best cut of meat at a feast. When the Romans conquered Thrace I was captured and sold to a fight promoter. I soon realized I was better than most.

ARTY> I don't suppose you've seen the movie about you.

SPARTACUS> Yes I have and I've seen that movie GLADIATOR too. Why go to that much trouble to tell only half a story? I'm glad no one had to die to make those movies but, quite frankly, you might as well say nothing than tell the sorts of lies those movies told.

ARTY> How so?

SPARTACUS> Well, it was as basic as life in Rome. I'm full up to here with it. The smells especially. I'm from the country, where you could smell the faintest aroma like the leaves on the ground or the smell of a lake in summer. In Rome, with it's huge population, the people peed into amphora kept by cleaners for washing clothes and they pooped in public latrines which were built over the Tiber River. All the animals in Rome just did it on the ground where it stayed. Add to that the death in the arena and the circus and you've got an overwhelming stench.

Movies don't come with the smells or the details of everyday life in Rome. Dead bodies laying in the streets, the most pathetic looking beggers you can imagine. I have no desire to remember my life in Rome.

ARTY> Then I won't ask you anymore about it. Again, I want to thank you for stopping by today.One last question. Do you have anything you'd like to tell us with 20/20 foresight?

SPARTACUS> Well, from what I've seen America is the new Rome. You have an insatiable appetite for sex and violence. You have to keep pushing your frontiers back to conquer troublesome neighbors. You have done in 200 years what it took the Romans 700 years to do. Look what Rome is today. You're next.